Thursday, July 04, 2002

Things Fall Apart...
Where do I begin. Many things have happened since 6/23. My head is still spinning. Well, actually I'm experiencing the aftermath of a dramatic AND traumatic event. When a band mate leaves it changes every aspect of the band off stage as well as on. I thought I was returning home with another bandmate but instead I gave my ticket to another. I'm sorry Mama...I'll be home soon, Jenna Bean.

Anxiety and panic come in varying degrees. Part of the cure is knowing what sets you off. My problems turn towards depression now. That's how I handle that. I do have medication and I am starting to run low but playing is probably the longest lasting therapy for me. My life could be falling apart around me but when it was showtime nothing mattered except to groove hard and turn whatever venue we were playing totally out. We hit the town and go to the venue, set up the gear and take no prisoners. Pack up and go to the next gig and maybe sleep, take turns driving, stop at the next venue and do it again even harder than the last performance. -sigh- I kind of miss the comaradarie [not to mention a dictionary]. Unity on and off the stage, like warriors with a common purpose and goal. Too many tails to tell. Buy the book. Anywho...

I've been using a C-PAP machine for a couple of years now. Jeneane now can get some rest when I'm home. The snoring was absurd when I did breathe and when I stop breathing I wake up gasping for air, not to mention being dazed and confused and sleepy during the day. Those with sleep apnea understand the significance of what I'm about to say; My machine stopped working last week and I'm having a little trouble keeping it together. Slept through a 3pm reherasal. Woke up 9:20pm a half hour before showtime. That's hank...My body says,'You've stayed too long in Hong Kong. Go home.' So in two more weeks the new bassist should be here. The last one canceled at the last minute. The band just doesn't sound right and it won't until we get a certain caliber of musician. Not to say the ones we have aren't good. It's just that their harmonic approach is lacking compared to what we did have.This could depress me...

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