Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Possibly the sickest thing I have ever seen...

I saw this and just had to post it!

Hello: LOVE Technical Support.

Customer: I'm not very technical, can you help me install this Love
program I just purchased, I think I can do it if you talk me through. I
am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Rep: It depends. What programs are running?

Customer: Let me see....I have PAST-HURTS, LOW-ESTEEM, GRUDGES, and
RESENT-MENTS running right now.

Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PAST-HURTS from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM. However, you
have to completely turn off GRUDGES and RESENT-MENTS. Those programs will
prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVE-NESS. Do
this as many times as necessary until GRUDGES and RESENT-MENTS have been
completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?

Rep: Yes it is. You should see a message that says it will reinstall
for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed now?

Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need
to begin connecting to other HEART'S in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

Rep: What does the message say?

COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

Rep: Don't worry, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE
program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non
technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own self before you
can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them
and GOODNESS. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC
from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to
make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
SMILE is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH,
PEACE, and CONTENT-MENT, are copying themselves into my HEART!

Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle
it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

Rep: LOVE is free ware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and
return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help!