Saturday, July 20, 2002

This is a continuation from Jeneanes blog
A-B means "Already Blogging."

We use it with one another when something is so sumptuous or outrageous
we're already blogging it in our heads. So I say to him, A-B. and he
says, Yep. We're in it too deep--too deep not to tell about it.

George, then, and you have to know him, but you don't, but you will,
makes the critical mistake. It's one he makes A LOT because he cares
about people:

He engages her.

Oh my. We're dead. The floodgates open and, how many kleenexs did I
give Sharlene? I'm not sure. She fixes her makeup four times--after each
bout of crying. She really wanted this to work out. She left a lovely
man to be with Ron. And now look what's happened. She wants to go home
early, but it costs $1,000 to change the tickets. Ron's not giving up
that extra grand. Smart man. He's 40 and a lifelong bachelor. Need I say

It goes on. I told George he has to blog it from his perspective
because my ears were filling up with blood and I was trying to watch Jenna
with this man and I was actually hoping for a peaceful evening but
instead fell into a saga.

He begins to tell her that sometimes men need to be given a reason, no
it shouldn't be that way, but if you've been a bachelor for a long
time, you're thinking in a certain way--it's an understandable way, maybe
not such a great way, but hey, the man's a bachelor. what do you expect,
etc. etc.

Then George asks, "How long have you two been together, anyway?" He's
thinking a year and a half. I'm thinking two years.

"Two months."

Jeneane thinks, someone shoot me now. I've given up my family evening
for a two month fling with Sharlene and Ron, and oh gosh she's crying
again, now what do we do. "Sharlene, it'll be okay. You just need to go
home and think about things."

In the mean time, she's hitting on the 20-something year old waiter
(did I mention Sharlene's 40?) hot and heavy, at one point headlocking him
into her ample chest.

You see, she's sure it's over; can't risk her daughter by putting her
into a situation like this, and Jeneane's thinking, but you've come to
another state with her to visit a man you've known for two months... and
then I realize, Jeneane, she's drunk. close your mouth. close your

So at that point I go help Ron, who's quite pleasant and actually
wonderful with Sharlene's daughter, pick out the prizes for the kids, while
Sharlene bends George's ear some more, finally confessing that the
pictures on Ron's computer were pictures of Ron's ex-girlfriend, and by
then George is thinking, okay, this is starting to make some twisted sense
and it's really quite useless and exhausting...

And after jenna gets her harmonica, and after Sharlene smushes her
voluptuous breasts against mine for the sixth time to say goodbye, and
after I shake Ron's hand, who by now I'm sure I like a lot more than
Sharlene, we bolt.

Jenna passes out in the car. I'm having a stiff one. And George goaded
me into blogging this because he says, "I just don't have the words for

Happy Friday, everyone.

Friday, July 19, 2002

Oh...this is too easy
Imagine my excitement after I saw this image in all of it's comidic possibilities. Captions for
this picture are flying out of me like Montezuma's Revenge from a neophyte traveller! Some analogy! [w/pun] I'm distracted. It's now 4am, couldn't sleep. C-pap filling me with so much air, I woke up as a human balloon floating towards the ceiling but...I digress. Headline #1 could read: Two Fossils Travolta Nabbed By Love-Struck Prehistoric Waterfoul: Is This Love or Sodomy?

Thursday, July 18, 2002

I couldn't help noticing that the euro became on parity [is that right?] with the US dollar. I'm thinking I should have changed my last HK paycheck to euros to make an extra 1/5 of a penny profit. Hey, remember the pennies we altered at the carnival? As the dollar declines, I predict sites like this one will become more popular.

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

I Thought I could blog from Incheon...
but they must've taken down the computers [during the 'Every Place in the WORLD except the US CUP' where it would be called the Whirled Cup] to avoid literary riots involving email, blogging, etc. After a flight halfway around the world, I find myself back in Atlanta with my family again!!!!!! I have a very hyper child on my lap trying to type at the same time as me. She just doesn't stop. I might be able to write today if she takes a nap. Mama is taking a much needed rest and I am now on duty. I want to thank all of the fellow bloggers for your support and encouragement over the last three months. My daughter just said 'Are you gonna stop typing?'. Vacation over..................later

Monday, July 15, 2002

Well, I'm stuck at the HK airport standing at an internet kiosk when a young Asian woman starts beating the crap out of one of the computers and screaming then crying. In my totally sucker days I would have been over to her in a flash but self preservation kicks in and says be cautious. Self preservation sounds a lot like Jeneane. She has shown me how to be careful when my heart says go to the person in distress. So, I'm acting like my wife and child are here but, they are not here needing my protection; they are home. But what happens if something happens to me in the process of helping distressed Asian woman? I'm brought out of my train of thought when the young woman looks at me and pleads saying 'Help me!!! Ok, what do you need? Her friend is dying in London, the airport may have sent her to the wrong gate and she is so flustered she forgets how to use the computer. So I help her type to another friend in London telling him she's on her way and will find her own way to the hospitol. She thanks me, I tell her to breath deep and to put her shoes on. She doesn't. She throws them into her baggage cart and speeds away with a very gracious thank you to me. Jeneane, I gaurded my stuff but I was able to help her out without it screwing me up. I'm learning...

Sunday, July 14, 2002

Last Minute Stuff
So, I'm standing in line at immigration preparing for a hassle free exodus when I hear pumped through the 'special' Muzak speakers from the ceiling 'Way down Upon the Swamee River'. Is that f***ed up or what?