Friday, May 23, 2003

Hi Everybody!

I've been writing but Blooger is in transition and has caused me to lose my posts or, not got on at all:

"Heads up. Over the next couple weeks, we will be moving people over to a new version of Blogger. It's basically the same as the old one but should work better. So if things look different one day, don't be too surprised."

...and please do NOT pick up the monitor and throw it across the room when you try to post and the screen goes white and some of your best writing is lost forever....Got that? Thanks Guys!<

Jeneane described JennaBean's graduation to me. It was as if I were there. (My imagination had to develop this way because of not experiencing all the things your sisters went through) I sat here reading and got tears in my eyes just imagining my little girl reading in front of the whole assembly! I am so proud of her!

When a parent misses an important event of their child, the child may mask the feelings over time or express the disappointment immediately. I'm sorry, my Jenna for missing the graduation but, not only do I miss you, I'm still missing myself. My child within. I missed everything your sisters went through, not of my own doing but, I get that same feeling of missing someone all the time and realize now where it comes from. I cry about that when you remind me how sensitive a child can be.

. I'm learning a lot from Jenna. (Jenna's Mama is very special as well and is doing the best job I've ever seen. I think I want her to be my mommy next time)

When my other two daughters came to stay with us I remember Jenna's middle sister [from my first wife] Georgia, screaming at me that I could learn so much from her. I had no idea what she was talking about. Thought she had her mouth open in a blaze of Effexor that was taken at the wrong time. At first, I thought ´how arrogent she is' . Learn what?! Now I understand. I don't think I wanted to learn what she went through as a child because I was afraid of the anger I could feel toward her mother for taking them away from me illegally, letting her and her sister grow like weed and not raising them with a healthy kind of love. Instead, their mother was, is an alcoholic.

How can I be that angry anymore with their mother when the woman was truly sick? It's taken me years to realize, understand and accept this fact and all the implications, complications of this disease of alcoholism. Knowing this , I would have taken the children far away from her. [ I remember the damn fool yelling at me, saying that they didn't need a father...something leftover from her women lib days, and me being a damn fool for swallowing her bullshit! And I am truly sorry I didn't do that...I think I just found a major guilt source for me whilst writing in this Blog today...

Georgia, if you are reading this please know that I am sorry for unjustly punishing you for lashing out verbally at me. Once again I let your mother get in the way of us communicating. I am understanding more these days what you and Tamar went through. But, do understand that this legacy started long before you (or I ) were born, on both sides of the family. If I could talk to you both again, I could show you how to overcome what may sneak up on you one day (if it hasn't already) when you're stuck in a mental/emotional rut but, most of all I promise to show you love...

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

"OK OK OKAY!!!!" or "Let Me Start Explaining Myself To You More Often So Everyone Understands We are All On the Same Page..."
No more Micheal Jackson bashing! Steve commented on my bashing and he`s right. Everything he`s stated in his commentary to me, I agree with 100%. In my past postings you`ll find my awe, appreciation and, sympathy for Jacko. My daughter Jenna has been listening to the Jackson 5 and I couldn`t help notice (again) the way MJ sang with such maturity, intensity [let alone technique]. Amazing, this young dynamo. He`s a year older than I am [and a lot more richer]. It`s a shame what they put that child through! One of the reasons I haven`t pushed JennaBean into modeling. With his ambitious drive and business prowess, Joe Jackson should have been made a CEO. [Another topic: I don’t really think many ambitious men of color back then would’ve been the prime choice for CEO. I think that kind of drive would frighten away the majority of white corporate execs back then. Note the trend to hire people of any color who are meek and controlable yet, spunky. But, I digress…] He pushed his children to become what they became. Most parents get commended for an accomplishment of successfully raising a [large] family and seeing the generation Mr and Mrs Jackson came from in Black America, I can identify with the push to make it happen- as a family- with your family. I can describe one of my family members as a mercenary but, that’s another issue I will address one day…

"You know, I was not going to comment but someone has to stop this Michael bashing thing. I think it needs to start with us, black performers.

[ I think at this stage of the game we should include ALL artists of ALL colors because we are a special breed (especially after our angst turns to a more refined art-form and not just a 'noisy, unpolished' barrage of notes but, rather a defined musical experience...of course I'm including country music as well...If I haven't mastered the instrument no matter what kind of music I play, I will sound like shit)

I think that we need to do a little more thinking when the American media decides it has had enough of the antics of any one of our artists.

[I agree. They use us, learn somewhat how to imitate us, then discard us (somebody, anybody out there, prove me wrong...) It's easy for a 'minority' to become the focus of shame in a 'told you so' fashion. I could go on but, you understand my point]

I think Michael has paid a terrible price for the ambitions of his father. He has paid a terrible price for never having had a real childhood.

[Couldn't agree with you more]

Despite all of this he gave us the very best of his genius. He is still the Michael who gave us "Off the Wall", and "Thriller"... the price of that kind of success in America is not lifelong respect but a pound of flesh...

[Though I don't consider it genius, I have to agree those were decent albums, well produced and tons of support from a defiant 'network' that turned Jacko into the Super superstar he became. To understand stardom and to discover the finer details of the phenomenon surrounding Jacko, I suggest the reader checkout Fredrick 'I can't believe I am still walking around unscathed' Dannen's book Hit Men: Power Brokers & Fast Money Inside the Music Business. This book explains to the layperson the harsh realities of the music industry from it's early beginings to it's 'business as usual' attitudes that ran that industry until the internet threatened (and continues to threaten) it's existence.]

Obviously it's the flesh in Michael's brain that's being sought. He is obviously not well, but we need to care about that not make fun of the outward signs of a black man suffering psychosis.

[I don't mean to bash. I just want to show the absurdity of it all. These doctors represent all blood-sucking oppourtunists who are around every corner when money is not an issue and maybe I need to post my personal punchline so people understand my train of thought. I'm not making fun of anything really. I'm glad people are writing to me about the outrages of humanity.]

I have met few un-psychotic black males in this country, I sadly count myself among the dreamers... the least we could do is not join the "Wacko Jacko" media circus...

[I've personally known some great musicians that may/will never get a fraction of a chance to make a living at their art form or earn the respect/stardom from the general public. Some of these people are already dead and gone and it is truly painful for me to watch somebody breathing, with a lot of financial success, piss away what's left of their life. It takes work and effort to get better and it costs a lot to work on our insides. If I surrounded myself with people who didn't really care about me, I know I would be dead by now. The wrong associates can usually scew us up]

Micheal is today's version of black musical genius.

[Ask my brother James what genius is. I would really like to know of his thoughts...Black musical genius? I've never thought of him in those terms. Maybe the Sammy Davis,Jr. of our time... Jacko definitely worked hard and applied himself theough the years. Maybe he is a genius because he, as a lot of intense people, cannot function in a 'normal' way. I've already written off intuitive genius in his case.Please, come to my house so I can play you some heavy shit!]

Maybe his days as a significant contributor to American pop music are over but it's a sad thing when what we have now are artists who are more interested in getting ass from their 14 year old fans... ohhh, but those unbleached skinned brothers are alright though!
Turn the tide, he's one of ours and we ain't letting the media take him out like that.<
[I've heard first hand about some of Jacko's escapades but, nothing illegal but odd by US standards so, I won't go into that here. I will probably never be on his payroll, but if I knew how to contact him, I would try to help him to be happy and well again. Sincerely, I would...]

Anyways, you really are an excellent bassist George! Keep up the good work."

Thank you, Steve. I do appreciate that.